And this, astonishingly, had it’s entire...
This song is what Daft Punk sampled in the track...
If you weren’t previously aware, this is the...
Guys, get into Mylanta stock like now, because Breaking Bad is around the corner and being FUCKING SHITTY RICH sounds sweet.
Anonymous asked: can i recite your cheesy biscuit post as a monologue
Remember that awesome song from the beginning of...
Here’s an album of music from Pete &...
Fractured Penis AMA →
When you fractured it did you hear anything or just felt it? I’m reading this thread on Reddit about a guy who fractured his penis while having sex. Here he describes the actual injury. I almost fainted.
streetvgold asked: P.S.-I've noticed your a pizza person, so you need to try dipping your pizza in honey sometime no joke it's heavenly. Some french pizza restaurant owner gave my parents this tip years ago and it has been a tradition in the family ever since.
streetvgold asked: You should try making your spaghetti the way Buddy does in the movie Elf. It is surprisingly delectable and I think you would enjoy it(:
A couple of weeks ago while I was walking down the street looking for food, a car drove by and the ugly chud in the passenger seat screamed something out the window at me. It happened pretty quickly and it was in the middle of the day with an entire city’s worth of other shit going on all around me, but I thought it said “FUCK BOOOOOOYYYY”. Fuckboy? Fuck boy? “Fuck!...
cantfindwonderland asked: Then your brain is stellar c: Lol.
brainslush asked: Could you please post a link to your cheesy biscuit post? I was unable to scroll back into your feed long enough on my dumbphone.
cantfindwonderland asked: You're cheesy biscuit post made me laugh so hard I was in tears. You basically described my brain in the mornings. XD
Anonymous asked: You're random texts post make you a fascinating person. Can you give your followers a bit of random information about yourself?
I have a bad habit of writing entire posts and then deleting them right after I’m done, because of how stupid I think they are. Just tonight I’ve deleted 3. One I already mentioned. The other two? “Shredder is a weird badass. He practices a martial art that hinges on stealth. So he wears a suit of metal body armor.” “People are weird. There’s a good chance that...
I think about death and pizza a lot more than I probably should.
afrodog asked: That whole 'dirty hair' post made my night. I'm not sober right now, and I can't tell you why it made my night, but it did. Kudos.
I’m coming down off the panic attack that woke me up. I’m wearing a Holter monitor so I bet that’s gonna look fucking awesome on some graph somewhere. But by the way, did you know that the Holter monitor was invented by Norman Holter who donated the rights to it over to medicine? Which is incredibly boss? Let’s celebrate Norman Holter for a moment. That motherfucker tested...
did you know that I own a complete set of McDonald’s Jurassic Park cups? I am a very important person. This is something an important person should have.
Anonymous asked: Have you ever been depressed to the point of considering suicide?
If you ever wanted to ask me a question, now’s the time to do it. I’ll answer anything and nobody is watching.
I wrote a whole post about how I don’t wash my hair. It was, like, a whole fucking post. Not some blurb. Like I wrote a thousand words about how I don’t put water or soap on just the top part of my head. I invested a lot of time in it. Then I deleted it, because I realized that it was about me not washing my stupid fucking hair. A lot of good words died on that post. Words like...
i’m kinda bummed about the fact that i intentionally backspaced over the g at the end of sitting in that previous post so i could sound cool
i woke up too early now i’m sittin in the dark on my laptop like some kind of asshole
I bet you’re having a bad day. Here’s...
I don’t know how I found this, but...
My response to the question "If the animals in a...
When I was in fifth grade my class took a trip to the National Zoo. Not even an hour after we had arrived, I found myself in front of the Malayan Sun Bear exhibit. Of all the non-koala bears in the bear hierarchy the Malayan Sun Bear is the least menacing in appearance. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a fucking monster and will eat your head. But there’s something kind of dopey...
My coworker is bragging about how he doesn’t give blood despite him having an incredibly rare blood type. THAT IS LIKE having an incredibly rare blood type, not donating it, and then bragging to your coworkers.
I’ve been after this one specific gamertag on xbox for a really long time. The person who has it doesn’t even use it anymore and the account has been offline for 2 years. So I was snooping around some forums this morning to see if anyone knew of a way I could get the tag and I came across a particular post from somebody with pretty much the same issue. They knew the account...
my new band name is Ereptile Hissfunction
Anonymous asked: What's your name on Facebook
OkCupid Singles who are interested in "Scrooge... →
This has to be one of most specifically weird and awesome links I’ve ever run into here on the world wide web.
unbearably-awkward-and-sexy asked: Hey, this is kind of a stupid question but you know that cheesy biscuit post? Can I use that as a monologue for my acting class? It would really mean a lot to me and it will most certainly get a laugh. So please?
silenceinourhearts asked: why I just sent you that previous ask, I have no idea. It was so pointless lol.
silenceinourhearts asked: So I just read your text post about your shower story. And I don't know what to think man. But you have beautiful writing skills, maybe you can write a book. But what the heck why were you going to eat something IN THE SHOWER AHAHAHAHA :) anyways, take care, don't put everything in your mouth ;)
allowmetomakeyouthink asked: Where the hells bells is your about section? I wanna read more about a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap and does introspective psychological evaluations.
Anonymous asked: Is your background a close-up of a pickle?
Anonymous asked: They say 1 in 5 people are asian. There are 5 people in my family and one of them must be asian. I think it could be my mom or dad, or my younger sister sarah, or my older brother chim-lee-young?
a21stcenturyeponine asked: Followed you for your cheesy biscuit monologue. I swear I'm in tears. Please more. More right now.
loomeria asked: It's probably slightly strange that I followed you all of five minutes ago, but I really hope you post some more things like your cheesy biscuit monologue. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time and the fact that you use punctuation on tumblr is so relieving. So yeah, thank you for being a phenomenal writer.
thefrottagecottage asked: So do you have a blog strictly dedicated to 140 character dick jokes? And if so, link?
thatoneshittyart asked: Oh, awesome. I just wasn't sure if you had seen it or not. Keep on keeping on, I guess.